Don't make the same mistake twice.....

In all probability the simplest error in your otherwise brilliant submission/competition entry will be drastic.  The chance of a mistake contributing to your success isn’t very likely. However, I’ll bet it’ll happen one day. After weighing up the odds, I’d take a risk and have a flutter. A little whoops-a-daisy could be the gateway to success. It might even make you rich. Intrigued? Then read on....

Most writers are blinded by the sheer genius of their work to notice a teeny-weeny error. Their minds are full of complex plots, stimulating dialogue, murder and espionage. A dedicated author can deliberate for days over a single connective. They spend hours navigating peaks and troughs. A writer can become so close to their creations that they’ll start talking about every fictional character as if they actually exist. In this state of instability we can’t expect them to notice a ‘T-shit’ instead of ‘shirt’. It’s easy to miss the ‘twat’ that should have been ‘tat’ or that slippery ‘crap’ which was meant to be ‘carp’. Come on – give them a break. The vast majority of writers need a decent proof-reader.

Not all unpublished authors have the money to pay for editorial services. Ask a favour from your writing group peers or a smart friend, but choose someone you trust. You don’t want them blurting out every embarrassing mistake you’ve ever made.

Mind you, I’m not afraid to admit my mistakes. I’ll be forever indebted to the man who kindly informed me that my main character had been hovering when I’d created a scene in which she should have been hoovering. It caused great hilarity when he read that my levitating protagonist had become irritated by a flyaway fridge which she had somehow managed to flick from her face.

Some of my cringing mistakes have come alarmingly close to publication, but by sheer coincidence, fate stepped in and saved the day. I might have failed to notice past mistakes, but I’ll never make them again. I’ve come full circle in my writing career - right back to square one, but I’ve learned many lessons.  

The main lesson is not to rush into finding an agent. I used to naively think that it was essential to secure representation, even if you had not perfected your first draft. On the contrary, you must concentrate on creativity in those early days. You don’t want the menace of conflicting advice at this stage. Choose a genre that suits you and become an expert in that area. Retain your positive attributes and work on the negatives. Attend courses and festivals. Brush shoulders with people in the know. Exchange tweets and share Facebook posts. Create a substantial portfolio before you begin the submission process. Once you decide to step into this minefield: get introduced to agents, attend pitch sessions and read agent profiles to make sure they are right for you. Most importantly, choose someone you can trust by seeking recommendations from peers.

In the New Year, I’ll send my revised novel off to the third agent on my list. I might even chase up number two. There’s no rush. So what’s the betting that I’ll get my work published in 2015? I don’t need a pie chart to demonstrate that the odds are stacked up against me. However, I’m not obsessing over that probability.  

Imagine one giant dessert with plenty of fruit and dollops of cream - make it clotted – the richer the better. Add several triangular sandwiches without crusts: cream cheese, cucumber and mint. We’re enjoying afternoon tea at Betty’s, as opposed to making do with what’s left over in the fridge. I’m taking my time. I don’t want to get too full, too quick and end up with an agonising stitch. I’m going to enjoy this moment for as long as it takes to recharge the batteries. You could say I’m bulking up, in preparation for another fight. The trials will continue, but I’m all set to take a different path. Mistakes can make you very rich indeed.

 

#amblogging and #writing, because #Ineedtosellmybook, which is #thebestthingsinceslicedbread....

An unpublished author should include hash-tags in every tweet if they want to get noticed. No matter what your day job is, you must set aside time to ‘strut your stuff’ on social media. It is a good idea to knock a few years off your age and post a photo-shopped image that was taken decades ago. Practice facial expressions in front of a mirror. Go for a moody, intellectual pose for your profile picture: choose your best side, look up and appear thoughtful.

 

To attract new followers you might want to fabricate a connection to the Royal Family or add an impressive title to your name. For wider exposure you could degrade yourself by going on a reality programme. Perhaps this is not the recommended route for those of you who are aiming for the Booker prize? But be warned, if that is the case, be prepared for an even harder slog to the top and expect to be poorer as a result.

All unpublished writers should tweet several hundred times a day and still find time to write the next best-seller *raises eye brows* *positions tongue in cheek*. 

You must be professional: set goals, meet competition deadlines and submit perfectly edited work. Ideally, you could go without meals to pay for editorial services, which shows commitment and might work in your favour. Make sure you post a few newsfeeds on Facebook so everyone is aware of the sacrifices you’re making. Don’t forget to tag ‘friends’ from the publishing industry. Sod everyone else.  

A wise unpublished author of any genre must be organised. Go to your nearest Ikea store and buy everything listed on pages 228 to 245 in the catalogue. Invest in filing systems for workshop notes. A couple of Pappis boxes for contacts and business cards wouldn’t go amiss, the odd Tjena, Maffin basket and Samla with lid. Buy expandable cases for the many rejection letters that will be coming your way. Frame all achievements (no matter how small) because every little bit of recognition can lift your flagging confidence. Restoring belief in oneself is vital during the long road to publication.

Back up all your work on memory sticks, which can be hidden securely in locked safes. Keep hard copies and electronically date stamp emails to prove copyright. You’ve not spent all these years working hard and getting nowhere to let some thieving #### steal what’s rightfully yours *winks* *looking at no one in particular* *winks again*.

At this stage, you might experience battle fatigue. You’ll be bitter and deflated. So use all that pent up anger and frustration to your advantage. Release tension by protesting about a good cause, something like keeping your local library open. Support this worthwhile service by visiting it daily. Make sure you post photographs to earn brownie points.

Give up on sleep, if need be. Use every minute of those 24 hours to raise your profile. Word of advice #caffeine.

Before you keel over from total exhaustion, make sure you become an expert in your chosen field by reading at least one novel a night. Do whatever it takes to acquire an array of books. After years of receiving no money for all your efforts, you might have to downsize and live in a caravan or bedsit where there’s no room for shelves. Never fear. There are other ways to store your ever-increasing collection of other people's books. Stack them high, preferably in alphabetical order, which shows you care. Name the post, “My leaning tower of literature” and dust regularly.  

 

Remember peers: remain Resilient, Organised, Positive and Extrovert #ROPE

 

                            Advice courtesy of unpublishedauthor@battleweary.com.co.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A change is as good as a rest.....

I’d like to announce my retirement. I am no longer a full-time, unpaid novelist obsessively seeking representation. The time has come for me to take a break from the submission's business. I can not continue submitting novels without A) Going insane. B) Having a heart attack C) Jumping off a bridge or D) Killing someone else. The pace at which I’ve been applying for representation is damaging my health. I’ve officially burnt out.

Within weeks of turning over this new leaf, I find that my poxy skin has become clear and the wine intake decreased. My hair isn’t limp and lifeless, but vibrant and shiny. I can now swish it about like those self-assured models in the hair adverts. Most importantly, I’ve stopped yelling at everyone. My kids can leave gym kits on buses, lose mobile phones, snap travel passes in half and dirty their clean clothes, because...do you know what.... it’ll all come out in the wash. I don’t cry uncontrollably in inappropriate places for hours on end. I’m smiling without an inner frown. I suppose you could describe it as being normal.

 

It seems like a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. At last, I’m allowing myself time to appreciate the simple things in life. I can go out with my family, greet strangers, observe interactions, exchange expressions and take note of my surroundings. I’m not looking at the floor minding cracks in pavements, dwelling on injustice and rejection. In a nutshell, I have become a writer again...to hell with the submission process....for the time-being.

It makes me ill just thinking about how it takes six months to write a 100,000 word draft and another ten years to get representation. I became a submission machine that had lost the ability to be creative. Therefore, the novels have been put to one side. I’m concentrating my efforts on writing scripts, short monologues and anthologies. I need to increase my portfolio. I need to take my time and produce quality work.

 

I’ve been revising the same novel for too long. I’m in danger of looking back and seeing nothing for all that effort.  I feel I’ve wasted years adapting my novels to suit different requirements, second guessing what the business wants, pleasing individual tastes and taking on board a mish-mash of requests. I've lost count of the hours spent writing what seems like several hundred different versions of one synopsis. If I’m not careful, I’ll loose my mind, dumb down the novels and forget what made me write in the first place. Of course, I will continue to submit when, and if, a suitable agent comes my way, but I can’t purely focus on submitting instead of creating. There has to be balance in an unpublished writer’s life - an equilibrium where you come out on the other side with your sanity still intact. 

 

#mywritingprocess - part of the writing blog tour

 

This is my writing process, part of #mywritingprocess blog tour

I was nominated by Jude Brown: a friend and fellow writer, who never fails to make me laugh, with or without the aid of Guinness. In fact, she’s been known to make me cry with laughter after drinking only highly diluted Orangina – that’s the power of this woman! 

Jude is a writer of contemporary fiction, whose short stories have been widely published. She is also the recipient of many awards: semi finalist for the Raymond Carver Short Story Prize 2012, short-listed for the Bridport Short Story Prize 2013 and short-listed for the Fish Short Story Prize 2013. After completing her MA writing at Sheffield Hallam University, Jude became a winner of the Northern Writer’s Award 2013 for her novel, ‘The Dangerous Sun’. With this impressive list of accomplishments, I expect agents will soon be fighting to represent this talented author. I look forward to seeing, ‘The Dangerous Sun’ on the shelves very soon.

Find out more about Jude on her website: http://www.judebrown.co.uk  

To read Jude’s blogs and find a delicious recipe for banana curry visit: http://bananacurry.com

           So here goes! These are my answers to the #mywritingprocess questions:

1.      What am I working on?

I am touting around ‘Into the Snicket,’ my first crime/thriller novel, which is about domestic abuse and murder. An early version of this was submitted to editors via my last agent. At the time, I was flattered to obtain representation so early in my writing career, although I was naively unaware of the importance of marketing and genre. In my desire to please, the novel became a mixed bag of crime, literary and whatever anyone else suggested. Editors praised it for being atmospheric, utterly compelling and powerful. However, the consensus was that the pace was too slow for crime. I began to work on the overhaul, which took six months of re-writing and tinkering until I’d found a marketable style. It’s taken me a while to understand this business and for my confidence to grow, but I feel the novel is now ready for crime representation. In the past, I thought, I’d wasted opportunities. I look back now and realise that all those other versions of ‘Into the Snicket’ were necessary drafts: a lesson in writing, the hard way.

       2. How does my work differ?

I’m interested in dissecting the psychology of protagonists and antagonists. Once I’ve got into their minds, I can hear their voices and for this reason I prefer to write first person. This enables me to describe their tension and create atmospheric situations, which is what I enjoy. My novels unravel crimes via witness, victim and/or murderer’s viewpoints rather than through the official investigation. However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love reading great police procedural novels, such as Denise Mina’s, The End of the Wasp Season AND who doesn’t have a soft spot for Mark Billingham’s, Tom Thorne?

My writing combines subjects I studied for my degree: feminism, criminology, politics, sociology and psychology. Into the Snicket has proved to be a difficult nut to crack: a crime novel, written in first person, where the protagonist isn’t cop, forensic investigator, witness, victim or murderer. I suppose this wasn’t an easy way to begin my writing career and I deserved all the obstacles that have come my way!

     3. Why do I write the way I do?

I’m drawn to the crime genre, because I am incensed by a great deal of things which go on in this world and, on a more personal level, I’ve been subjected to injustice on far too many occasions. I am an amicable and caring person (honestly), so for someone as nice as me, crime writing is a great way to vent fury! Be aware that if you upset me, you’ll become my next fictional criminal – the one who’s going to be hung, drawn and quartered.  

I was a sensitive child who liked to please everyone, but I suffered speech impediments and was incredibly shy as a result. Writing became a way to express myself without embarrassment or fear of ridicule. In recent years, fictional revenge has given me a great boost in confidence. I've finally found my vocation. Now, I'm never lost for words.

I admire Donna Tartt’s work and emulate Andrea Badenoch, whose novels I’ve recently discovered - I would say these are the closest to mine. In ‘Rush of Blood,’ Mark Billingham interwove the murderer’s pov in between the six suspects, which is a similar format to the ones I use. I’m inspired by Dickens, Du Maurier and the Bronte’s who wrote atmospheric novels with memorable characters. For this reason, I enjoyed, 'Woman in Black' by Susan Hill. I found the adaptation to stage and screen worked well. My third novel was originally written as a play and Into the Snicket’s unreliable narrator has the perfect voice for radio. I find scripts easier to write than short stories, which always become long stories - the reason why I have written more novels than anything else.

      4. How does your writing process work?

It would be nice to start the day with a visit to the gym, followed by a facial and manicure. Sadly, I have no time for pre-writing pampering sessions. And anyway, there isn’t any point - by 8.30, I’ve bitten all my nails and pulled out my hair, because I own an antiquated laptop that’s slow to start up in a morning. Obviously, I do empathise with this elderly machine, as it takes me a while to become fully operational too. I require a pot of tea and several mugs of coffee before I begin. I do wash and get dressed on writing days, but only because I have to take the kids to school.

On my return, I’ll have another coffee, taking the opportunity to check Twitter, Facebook and Emails. I’ll feed the cat and do some ‘bare minimal’ housework. Then me, and the laptop are fired up and raring to go. Once I start, I have no motivational problems, because I only have a few hours before the whirlwinds get in from school. If I’m on a roll, I will go back and finish it off, working well into the night.

Now that I’m looking for crime representation, I focus on one of three things: the next novel, competition entries or agent submissions. If I’m tired I’ll edit. If I’m feeling creative, I’ll create.

When I take time out to visit museums, galleries, libraries, or go for a stroll, I’ll observe people, locations or read, but I can’t write in public spaces. I’ve become highly protective of my unpublished work and for very good reason. There’s always a chance that someone’s going to look over my shoulder and pinch my ideas. Still, I can always get my own back and turn them into a fictional corpse....

Thank you for reading my writing process.  For next week’s blog tour, I would like to introduce Michael Moon and Matt Wingett

I first met Michael on an Arvon novel writing course in 2008. He had already published ‘My Camino,’ so he was a great inspiration during our week in Lumb Bank. This beautiful book is an account of Michael’s 500 mile pilgrimage to Camino de Santiago, which he completed in 30 days at the age of 67. A few centuries earlier, his ancestor William de Mohun had undertook the same pilgrimage, in the year 1280!

After serving in the military as a 2^nd Lieutenant in the Royal West African Frontier Force, Michael took on a variety of temporary jobs which, he affirms rounded out his education. His first fictional novel is described as a captivating ghost story, based on real and extraordinary experiences of the writer. ‘Moonshadow’ uncovers a medieval secret that has lain dormant for seven hundred years.

Michael informs me that he is writing more ‘Moon’ novels, with two in progress. If that isn’t enough to be getting on with, Michael is looking for an illustrator as he plans to publish several children’s stories. Anyone interested? Visit: http://michaelmoonauthor.com

Matt Wingett was recommended for this blog tour by fellow writer, Lynne E Blackwood.

Matt writes stories and blog entries about Portsmouth. He describes his home town as, ‘village-like and extraordinary’. “Every step along it’s cramped roads has a story attached, or a bizarre piece of history.”

Matt used to write episodes for the television series, The Bill and has crafted a stage production, Sing Sing Sing, at The New Theatre Royal, Portsmouth. He is the author of several books including, ‘We’ll Meet Again’, where a real 1940’s singing trio called The Three Belles, uncover an old wrong that they must put right. This novella is described as a ghost story with a difference - that will keep you guessing until the end.

To discover more about Matt visit: www.lifeisamazing.co.uk/about-me/

NOW OVER TO MY TWO VERY INTERESTING NOMINEES, WHO WILL POST THEIR WRITING PROCESS AND TWO NOMINATIONS NEXT WEEK.....

 

Variety is the spice of life.....

It is frustrating when literary agents ask for different types of submissions. Most prefer a short synopsis, but some want you to throw in a chapter-by-chapter summary too. Guidelines give word counts, which vary from one agency to the next. Some specify the numbers of pages they require - at the moment ‘two’ seems to be the new ‘one’.

Agents know that for every publisher submission, editors need to consider how they can market the new author and their product. Therefore, it makes sense for some agencies to ask that submissions include an outline of comparable novels. If your proposal is similar to a published novel then your chance of getting it on the shelves will increase. Not surprisingly, new authors are encouraged to follow trends. Commercial novels must slot into a genre to aid marketability. So are we expected to lose our unique styles in order to fit in? If this is the case, then surely readers are missing out on variety. Miscellaneous bookshelves in shops should have tantalising headings such as, ‘Try something different today.’ Alas, books will always be pigeon-holed, but surely writers should maintain a degree of individuality.

It could be argued that the traditional mode of getting a commercial book published doesn’t encourage creativity. Unpublished authors are constantly being warned against the dangers of daring to be original. ‘You’ll get nowhere if you’re unique.’ ‘Follow the tried and tested routes. Don’t be tempted to wander off the beaten track.’ ‘Choose a genre and stick to it - even if your work ends up like many others we’ve read before’...

Be wary of plagiarism: “To use another person’s idea or a part of their work and pretend it is your own.” [Cambridge Dictionaries online]. Never intentionally use anything that you’ve read, without attributing it to the author. There are only a few basic stories, so there’s a chance that most tales have already been told in one way or another. Most of us have mortgages to pay, but no one should be desperate enough to ‘borrow’ or tweak someone else’s phrases, plots, endings and/or beginnings. We should all be inspired by those who have come before us, but be aware that there is fine line between inspiration and theft.

If you try to be original from the start, you’ll develop an individual style. You’ll reach creative maturity by using this process; at which point, you can mould your work into a genre and still maintain individuality. Begin by writing about any moment in your life. There’s nothing to stop you setting this in a different period, location or universe. Draw on your own experiences throughout. The result might be that your novel happens to be similar to another book, but this would be purely coincidental. Think about what prompted you to write in the first place. Get it all out of your system. Be as original as you can be, for as long as you can get away with it! Variety is after all, the spice of life.  

Great characters live on in afterplays. 'Afterplay,' by Brian Friel, starring Niamh Cusack and Sean Gallagher at The Crucible Studio, Sheffield - until 1March, 2014.

Brian Friel brings together two of Chekhov’s characters 20 years after their original plays were set. Afterplay is an affectionate portrayal of two people who suffer unrequited love. In a bid to impress his companion, Andrey (from The Three Sisters) exaggerates the truth. As the evening progresses, he timidly confesses to every little fib. A tender bond develops between the characters, creating an opportunity to fulfil the voids in their lives....   

Chekhov’s characters are so perfectly constructed that it is no wonder they became the inspiration for an Afterplay. A great writer makes ordinary people fascinating. We become compelled by what will become of them, intrigued by the hidden meanings behind their language and mannerisms.

As a crime writer, I need to break down labels such as Rapist or Psychopath into a list of traits. An attention seeking self-centred person can also be described as vain, extrovert and uncommitted. Clearly, this character can be summed up as a narcissist. Add the word ‘sadistic’ to that, and you’ve got a whole new kettle of fish: depraved, disturbed and dangerous. The serial killer can be glib, callous, manipulative and almost certainly unafraid of punishment. They might not be clinically insane, but capable of reasoning. An organised individual can hold down a job, get married and provide for children. These offenders treat murder as their work: making meticulous plans, preparing tools for their trade and going to great lengths to conceal the crime. They might, however, become rather sloppy and disorganised towards the end of their killing spree.

Some like to wallow in the glory and might get slightly annoyed if their victim isn’t discovered. They might choose to point the police in the right direction by moving the body to a more exposed location. Then, they’ll sit back to watch the investigation unravel on the news. Perhaps with a cup of cocoa or a glug of beer - maybe even a glass of Chianti.

Try to steer clear of stereotyping your murderer. Not all serial killers live with their widowed mothers, who have a penchant for black gowns and rocking chairs. While next door’s psycho is stabbing someone in the shower, his neighbour (the polite mild mannered accountant) might be hacking his wife to death for an insurance claim.

To make a feasible antagonist, it’s essential to consider their childhood. To create a murderer’s profile, the crime writer should examine early signs of deviancy. Don’t presume all would-be murderers are withdrawn children. Watch out for the reckless ones – those who are surrounded by followers. Beware of the child that dares others to commit acts that demonstrate their power. Maybe they’ve suffered neglect and/or abuse. Remember that not all siblings become sociopaths. Birth order might be a factor. The ‘evil one’ might have endured a different influence along the way.

There are so many questions that need to be addressed when creating a monster. Should I make them handsome or creepy - rich or poor? What tipped them over the edge: humiliation, failure, or some overbearing urge to kill which is beyond their control? Do they have friends and family? Where did they go to school? What were their hobbies: did they earn rosettes for pampering their pets or derive great pleasure out of disembowelling Tiny Tears?

How do you make fictional antagonists believable? Try making murderers by piecing together people who have pissed you off in some way. Play around with this idea: screw on another head, change the body and rearrange their insides until you’ve blended them into one nasty piece of work. Then, take great pleasure in dragging the antagonist towards their sticky end.

Of course, we need to empathise with the murderer before giving them their comeuppance - just as we sympathise with a tragic protagonist. A writer has to get inside every inch of every character. Then, our fictional beings will live on in many ‘afterplays’. It’s an enormous honour for someone to take inspiration from your published work. Friel does Chekhov proud.

Good Riddance 2013!

I’ve packed away the Christmas decorations, kicked out relatives who overstayed their welcome, drank the very last bottle of red wine EVER, shut the sherry away for next year’s trifle and single-handedly consumed every morsel of fruit cake. The festive period is over! Good riddance 2013. Here’s to a successful New Year! 

My resolution, once more, is to remain positive, but it doesn’t get any easier. I need to believe in Karma. It’s about time I got some reward for all my hard work. I’ve been putting myself under a lot of pressure. I’m not as young as I used to be. I need to slow down. Perhaps I should give up. I’d like to get out more often. To be honest, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to be normal again....

Not one of those five-leaved clovers or black cats brought me any luck last year. And 2014 hasn’t really got off to a great start. The household budget for the foreseeable future is based on a ‘Robbing Peter to Pay Paul’ economic model, which I’d hoped would tide us by until a massive advance came my way. But who am I kidding? We all know that published writers don’t earn much anymore. Of course, there are the exceptions: JK Rowling, Joanne Rowling, Robert Galbraith et al. That's not the point. Money isn’t everything. I’ve not gone through all these trials to stop now.

I’m going to send off my submission and apply for a load of awards, but I’ll not get anywhere on an empty stomach. Times are hard, so I’ve used festive leftovers to make vegetable soup. Unfortunately, this festering concoction of sprouts, cabbage and squishy chunks of turnip resembles a bowl of thick phlegm. It doesn’t taste any better than it looks - not even with added seasoning and a sprinkling of thyme. Perhaps, my thrifty tactics have gone a step too far. Maybe, I won’t live to see another day. What if I die before my novel goes into print?

If you don’t hear from me again, you know what became of Lynne Blackwell (impoverished, unpublished writer). In the end, it wasn’t the arteries that became clogged, but her gullet. ‘Death by Soup’ – a great title for a biography, don’t you think?